Samwise Gamgee's Day Off
by no-class-citizen
Summary: Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Shire style. With Sam as Ferris, Frodo as Cameron, Rose Cotton as Sloane, with Merry and Pippin. Chapter three is not up yet..
1. Faking Out The Gaffer: Frodo, Get Your A...

**Samwise Gamgee's Day Off**

_Chapter One: Faking Out The Gaffer_

**A/N:** _Why Sam? Why not Frodo? Well, simply, it wouldn't work if it were "Frodo Baggins' Day Off", because you have to consider the character switches from LotR to FBDO. Frodo = Ferris, Sam = Cameron, but ? = Sloane? Frodo doesn't have a love interest in LotR, no, I will NOT make him gay; create a nice hobbit/elf/dwarf/etc. girlfriend for him or what ever nonsense you all have been conjuring up. I decided to instead have Sam as Ferris, Frodo as Cameron, Rose Cotton as Sloane, and I added some new characters for Merry and Pippin. Assuming you've all seen the movies (Ferris Bueller & LotR) and read the books and appendixes at the end of "The Return of the King", I'll end this right here. Go heat some popcorn and don't worry too much about details... _

"Samwise Gamgee. Larger than life. Blessed with a magical sense of serendipity. He's a model for all those who take their masters less than seriously. A guy who knows the value of a day off with Mr. Frodo and the gang.

**Samwise Gamgee's Day Off** chronicles the events of in the day of a rather magical young man, Sam. One spring day, toward the end of his senior year and close to his coming of age, Sam gives into an overwhelming urge to cut school and head for downtown Shire with his girl and his best friends to see the sights, experience a day of freedom and show that with a little ingenuity, a bit of courage and a red pony, life at 32 can be a joy!"

Sam was lying around in bed. The Gaffer has left. "He bought it." He said to himself, with a combination of disbelief and happiness. 

He gets up, crosses the room, opens the shades, and breathes deeply. He starts to sing about random things while he setting up his room. He was making stuff up off the top of his head, low to the ground as it was. He was pleased with himself.

Fade to shower scene. Sam is in the shower, singing into the detachable showerhead. "I recall Mirkwood in fall/How you tore your dress/What a mess/I confess it's love..."

Cut to classroom scene. A hobbit is standing on a chair, reading off names in a deadpan voice.

"Baggins?" Pause. "Baggins." Pause. "Baggins?" The teacher-hobbit looks up and over at Frodo's empty chair. "Ok, not here."

"Boffin?" 

"Here!" chirped a cheerful hobbit girl in the second row.

"Bracegirdle?"

"Here."

"Brandybuck?" Pause. "Brandybuck." Pause. "Brandybuck." 

"Brockhouse?"

"Here."

"Burrows?" 

"Here."

"Chubb?" 

"Here."

"Gamgee?" Pause. "Gamgee." Pause. "Gamgee?" 

"Um, he's sick. My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with a girl who saw Sam AND Frodo pass out at the Green Dragon last night."

"Thank you, Lilac." The teacher-hobbit rolled his eyes.

"No problem whatsoever." Lilac chirped.

"Sackville-Baggins?"

"Here."

"Took?" Pause. "Took." Pause. "Took?" The hobbit-teacher glanced over at Boffin.

"Have you any information of Took's whereabouts, Lilac?" 

"None, sir!"

Cut to Frodo's room in Bilbo's hobbit hole. The phone is ringing. Shot of Frodo's hand slipping under the covers to the phone, sitting on a low nightstand beside his bed. There are herbs and various flowers for medical purposes, of course, littering the nightstand. 

"Frodo, master, what's happening?"

"Very little."

"How do you feel?"

"Shredded." 

"Is Bilbo in the room?"

"He's in Bree. Unfortunately, he's not staying. Where are you?"

"I'm taking the day off. Get dressed and come on over." We see that Sam is in shorts, talking on a cordless phone, and sipping a drink in a lawn chair by a garden. [Modern inventions are featured in the Shire, please get used to it...]

"I can't, stupid, I'm sick." 

"That's all in your head. Come on over." Sam begged.

"I feel like complete shit. I can't go anywhere." Frodo mumbled.

"I'm sorry to hear that. Now come on over here and pick me up." Sam hit a button on the phone. "Sheesh." 

We now see Frodo, in bed. Feeling miserable, he says aloud, "I'm dying."

The phone rings. "You're not dying, you just can't think of anything good to do."

Sam faces the camera. "If any hobbit needs a day off, it would be Frodo. He has a lot of things to sort out. He's very sensitive, rather naïve, if you would. Frodo is so tight, that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass, in a fortnight you would have a diamond." Sam pauses and stammers. "I didn't mean it like _that_."

**There you have it. The first chapter of "Samwise Gamgee's Day Off"... I'm doing the story by the chapters as listed with the DVD. Merry, Pippin, and Rose Cotton make an interesting set of appearances in the next chapter...**


	2. Faking Out Hobbit High: Payphone Pimps

**Samwise Gamgee's Day Off**

_Chapter Two: Faking Out Hobbit High_

**A/N:** _Why Sam? Why not Frodo? Well, simply, it wouldn't work if it were "Frodo Baggins' Day Off", because you have to consider the character switches from LotR to FBDO. Frodo = Ferris, Sam = Cameron, but ? = Sloane? Frodo doesn't have a love interest in LotR, no, I will NOT make him gay; create a nice hobbit/elf/dwarf/etc. girlfriend for him or what ever nonsense you all have been conjuring up. I decided to instead have Sam as Ferris, Frodo as Cameron, Rosie Cotton as Sloane, and I added Merry and Pippin. Assuming you've all seen the movies (Ferris Bueller & LotR) and read the books and appendixes at the end of "The Return of the King", I'll end this right here. Go heat some popcorn and don't worry too much about details... please don't…_

It was the middle of first hour, and silence was in the halls. So were our favorite urchins, Merry and Pippin. We scan over to the set of payphones, where Merry is leaning against a phone talking with Pip, who is at his feet. 

Pip said accusatory, "We were going downtown today! That's what Sam told me! Is that ninny even here today? No!"

Merry nodded in reply. "No-Show Gamgee. Can't even swing by to let us know of any plans. Either we leave now or get late passes." 

Pip got excited. "Let's call him up now… If he ain't there, then his Gaffer will hear of it!"

Merry's eyes lit up, and they glowed hobbit orb-style. "He promised me mushrooms." 

Pip stood up, "Me too."

The hobbits scraped up change and dialed Sam's hole. Confusion broke out as the dial tone turned into a ring…

"You talk!" Merry threw the receiver at Pip.

"No, you talk!" Pip threw it back.

"It was your idea!" Merry threw it back at Pip. 

"You agreed!" Pip caught the receiver and hit Merry on the top of his head with it. Hard.

"Hello?" 

The phone!

"Is, uh, Sam there?" Merry was cautious. Pippin had his ear next to Merry's, with the receiver between them. They didn't really want to risk talking to Sam's father right now…

"This is. Who's this?" 

"Merry. An' Pippin." 

"Oh. Ok. I didn't really come up with any detailed plans, so-"

"Yeah, we could tell. Get us out of here!"

Cut to Sam's house. Interior. Sam winks at the camera. "But do you _know_ how much _trouble_ you'd be in if you were to tell _anybody_ else about what we're doing?" He covers the receiver. "Freshmen. Merry. Pip. Scare tactic. So we don't find ourselves stumbling on words if someone in high places hear of it." He uncovers the receiver. "Why don't you want to be in class?"

Back at school…

"Why aren't we in class?" Merry asked Pip, covering the receiver.

"'Cause it's unexciting. An' old languages an' maps."

"Well, it's all Elvish to me," Merry replied into the receiver.

"An' maps-" Pippin screeched.

"Shut up!" Merry hissed with his mouth away from the receiver.

"Isn't it about time for the bell ring? I know Rose walks down that hallway. Can you-"

Ring 

"-Get her on the phone?" 

"Ok. Hold on, Sam."

"Get Rose, Pip!" Merry pointed.

"Where?" Pip surveyed the flood of students.

"There!" Merry pointed.

"That's Daisy!" Pip scoffed.

"No it ain't! Next to her!" 

"Oh… Rose!" Pip yelled.

"It's Sam. He wants to talk to you." Merry handed the phone to Rose.

"Hi Sam." Rose said cheerfully.

"Hey. Listen- get ready to leave during second hour. We're all going downtown Shire, like I was talking about."

Rose laughed. "How are you going to do that? Call and say my grandmother died?"

"No… I hope this doesn't sound stupid, but…" Sam trailed off.

"Yeah?" Rose strained her ears.

"Um…"

"Just say it." Rose was impatient.

"If I called as your father, would they let you leave for a yeast infection?"

Rose almost died as she tried not to laugh. She coughed instead. "Uh, I _don't_ think so. I would _not_ know. And please don't bother. Just say a cousin's cousin from out-of-Shire passed away."

"Oh, ok. But you have to act sad when they get you, or else it won't work." Sam mused over the idea.

"Alright. I will. Got to go."

"Bye."

Merry regained possession of the phone. "What was that about?"

"Here's the plan. You leave out the back door when you see Rose leave her second hour. It's at the end of the hall. Hide somewhere and sneak out and we'll get you after we get Rose."

"Yeah, you could say she has bad cramps or her ovaries fell out or something serious." Pip suggested into the receiver.

"They don't fall out! They'd probably grow back, too, it's probably not that serious!" Merry pushed him back.

"No, I'm saying her distant cousin died." Sam said.

Ring 

They said their farewells and hung up the phone. 

"Where are we going to hide?" Merry scanned the hallway.

"'Janitor's Closet'," Pippin was already opening the door.

"How would we be able to see anything? It's too dark!" 

"We'll leave it open a bit…" 

"Not too much, though."

"I know!" Pip muttered. "I'm not stupid!"

"Ok, then! Hurry up. It could be any minute now!" Merry shooed Pippin into the closet.

"Hey! It's musty in here!" Pip complained.

"Then it's probably you!" Merry pushed him and wound up landing on him and closed the door shut, slightly ajar. 

Pip sniffed his pits…"'Strong enough for an orc, but made for a hobbit,' Yeah, right!"

**What will happens next? Anything is possible…**


End file.
